Hitman's Wife's Bodyguard

I distinctly remember watching Hitman's Wife's Bodyguard on a rainy Tuesday night while eating a bowl of cereal that had gone tragically soggy because I was too distracted by a car chase involving a van and several high-powered motorcycles. It’s that kind of movie—the sort of high-octane distraction that demands you put down your spoon but doesn't necessarily ask you to use your brain.

Coming out in 2021, this film landed right in that strange, jittery pocket of contemporary cinema where we were all just starting to crawl back into theaters. It arrived with the heavy burden of being a "sequel to a surprise hit," and it decided the best way to handle that pressure was to simply turn the volume up to eleven and break the knob off. If the first film was a breezy buddy-cop riff, this one is a cinematic panic attack wrapped in a Hawaiian shirt. It’s messy, it’s loud, and it’s unapologetically obsessed with its own chaotic energy.

The Holy Trinity of Profanity

The heart of this thing isn't the plot—which involves a vengeful Greek tycoon played by Antonio Banderas trying to destroy the European power grid with a diamond-tipped drill (standard Tuesday stuff). No, the draw here is the chemistry between Ryan Reynolds, Samuel L. Jackson, and the undisputed MVP of the sequel, Salma Hayek Pinault.

Ryan Reynolds is doing his peak "Michael Bryce" thing—the neurotic, safety-conscious straight man who seems to be undergoing a perpetual nervous breakdown. I’ve noticed a lot of discourse lately about "Reynolds fatigue," but honestly, watching him get physically bullied by the universe is still pretty funny. However, the movie truly ignites when Salma Hayek Pinault takes center stage as Sonia Kincaid. She is a force of nature here, screaming, stabbing, and voguing through every scene with a level of commitment that makes everyone else look like they’re napping.

There’s a specific joy in seeing Antonio Banderas and Salma Hayek Pinault share the screen again, a nod to their Desperado (1995) days that contemporary fans of 90s action will appreciate. It’s the kind of legacy casting that modern franchises love to lean on, and while it’s a bit of a "wink-wink" moment, it works because they both seem to be having the time of their lives.

Practical Chaos in a Digital Age

One thing I have to give director Patrick Hughes credit for is the sheer scale of the set pieces. In an era where too many action movies look like they were filmed inside a giant grey Tupperware container, Hitman’s Wife’s Bodyguard actually gets out into the sunlight. They filmed extensively in Croatia—specifically the stunning coastal town of Rovinj—and that Mediterranean light gives the carnage a crisp, vibrant look.

The action choreography is a frantic blend of "John Wick" precision and "Looney Tunes" absurdity. There’s a sequence involving a bridge and a lot of heavy machinery that feels like it was choreographed by a toddler with a sugar rush and a Michael Bay fetish. It’s chaotic, yes, but Patrick Hughes (who also gave us the underrated The Expendables 3) knows how to keep the camera moving in a way that feels purposeful rather than just messy.

Interestingly, Salma Hayek Pinault reportedly insisted on doing many of her own stunts, including some of the more rigorous fight sequences. Apparently, she wanted to prove that a woman in her 50s could be just as lethal and physically imposing as the "boys," and she absolutely succeeds. She brings a tactile, scrappy weight to the fights that balances out the slicker, more "Reynolds-y" gunplay.

Stuff You Didn't Notice

If you look closely at the background during the more crowded scenes, you can actually see the traces of the COVID-19 protocols that governed the 2021 production era. The film was one of the first major productions to navigate the "new normal," and the logistical hurdles of moving a massive crew across Europe during a pandemic are staggering.

Here are a few other nuggets I picked up about the production:

The film serves as a massive reunion; not just Banderas and Hayek, but also Samuel L. Jackson and Morgan Freeman, who hadn't shared a screen in years. The "Senior" character played by Morgan Freeman was a closely guarded secret during production, intended to be the ultimate subversion of the "wise mentor" trope. Frank Grillo, who plays the frustrated Interpol agent Bobby O’Neill, reportedly improvised a fair amount of his exasperated dialogue, channeling the audience's own "what is happening?" energy. The production used the "Nu Boyana" studios in Bulgaria for many of the interior sets, a staple for mid-budget action films looking for high-end production value. Despite the global stakes, the film's budget was a relatively disciplined $70 million, which is pocket change compared to the $200 million price tags of Netflix’s Red Notice*.

At the end of the day, Hitman’s Wife’s Bodyguard is exactly what it promises on the tin. It’s the cinematic equivalent of getting slapped in the face with a wet fish while someone screams jokes at you. It’s overstuffed, the plot is a glorified excuse for expensive property damage, and it occasionally tries too hard to be edgy. But if you’re looking for a film that captures the frantic, franchise-driven energy of the early 2020s—and you want to see Samuel L. Jackson laugh in the face of death one more time—it’s a perfectly fun way to spend two hours. Just make sure you finish your cereal before the first explosion hits.