Fantastic Beasts: The Secrets of Dumbledore

I watched Fantastic Beasts: The Secrets of Dumbledore on a Tuesday evening while nursing a cup of Earl Grey that I’d accidentally left steeping for ten minutes. It was bitter, slightly cold, and vaguely disappointing—a perfect liquid metaphor for the experience of sitting through this third entry in the increasingly precarious Wizarding World spin-off series. By the time the credits rolled, I wasn't thinking about the spells or the monsters; I was wondering if I’d remembered to take the bins out.

The film opens with a quiet, genuinely lovely scene in a tea shop between Jude Law’s Albus Dumbledore and Mads Mikkelsen’s Gellert Grindelwald. It’s the kind of character-driven moment that the previous films lacked. Law brings a weary, twinkly-eyed gravity to Albus, and Mikkelsen—stepping in for Johnny Depp—is a revelation. While Depp played Grindelwald like a Tim Burton extra who’d lost his way to a goth club, Mikkelsen plays him like a dangerous, charismatic politician. He’s the guy you know is a monster, but you’d still probably find yourself nodding along to his keynote speech.

A Quest Without a Compass

As an adventure film, The Secrets of Dumbledore attempts to pivot into a "men on a mission" heist movie. Dumbledore recruits our awkward hero Newt Scamander (Eddie Redmayne, still whispering to his briefcase), Newt’s brother Theseus (Callum Turner), and the eternally charming No-Maj baker Jacob Kowalski (Dan Fogler). Their goal? To stop Grindelwald from being "democratically" elected as the head of the magical world.

The problem is that the "adventure" feels less like an epic journey and more like a series of side quests designed to pad out the runtime. We go to Berlin! We go to a secret prison! We go to Bhutan! Each location is beautifully rendered by director David Yates (who has now directed more wizarding films than anyone else, for better or worse), but there’s a distinct lack of momentum. The plot moves forward with all the grace of a three-legged hippogriff. For a film with "secrets" in the title, most of the revelations are either things we already knew (yes, Dumbledore is gay) or things that don't particularly matter (Aurelius Dumbledore’s true identity, which was the "huge" cliffhanger of the last film, is resolved with a shrug and a cough).

The Beasts in the Basement

Where the film occasionally finds its spark is in its namesake: the beasts. There is a sequence involving a swarm of "manticores" in a German prison where Newt has to perform a ridiculous, hip-swaying dance to avoid being eaten. It is the most absurd thing I have ever seen in a multi-million dollar franchise, and I loved every second of it. It reminded me that these movies are at their best when they stop trying to be The West Wing with wands and start being weird.

However, the "Primary Beast" this time is the Qilin, a magical deer that can see into a person’s soul. It’s essentially a CGI plot device used to pick the next leader of the wizards. While the creature is adorable, relying on a magical deer to decide an election is a terrible way to run a government and an even worse way to write a climax. It robs the characters of agency; instead of Dumbledore winning through wit or Newt through bravery, we’re all just waiting for a fawn to bow.

The Pandemic and the Polish

Released in 2022, the film bears the scars of the era it was born into. Production was halted on the very first day due to the COVID-19 pandemic, and you can see the result in the curiously empty streets of 1930s Berlin. The "crowds" often feel thin, and the vast, CGI-heavy vistas of Bhutan feel a bit lonely. It’s a film made under immense pressure—both from the shifting landscape of theatrical releases and the swirling controversies surrounding the franchise's creator and its stars.

Despite the $200 million budget, there’s a sense of "franchise fatigue" hanging over the whole affair. The film tried to course-correct after the convoluted mess of The Crimes of Grindelwald, but in doing so, it became a bit too safe. It’s a polished, professional piece of entertainment that lacks the soul-stirring wonder of the early Harry Potter films. The adventure doesn't feel earned because the stakes feel entirely disconnected from the characters we actually like.

Stuff You Might Have Missed

The behind-the-scenes drama of this film is arguably more fascinating than the movie itself. Mads Mikkelsen famously had only a few days to decide to take the role after Depp’s departure and didn't speak to Depp at all about the character. Then there’s the curious case of Katherine Waterston, who plays Tina Goldstein. She was the female lead of the first two films but appears here for about thirty seconds in a cameo that feels like a contractual obligation.

Interestingly, the "manticore dance" was choreographed over several weeks, with Eddie Redmayne practicing the swiveling moves constantly on set. Apparently, the crew called it "The Newt Shuffle." Also, the German Ministry of Magic was designed to look like the "brutalist" architecture of the era, intended to feel oppressive and cold—a stark contrast to the cozy, cramped corners of the British Ministry we saw in Order of the Phoenix.

Ultimately, The Secrets of Dumbledore is a film for the completionists. It’s for the fans who have a "House Pride" scarf in their closet and still want to believe in the magic, even if the spark is getting harder to find. It’s better than its predecessor, but it lacks the joy required to make it a classic. It’s a decent enough way to kill two hours, but like my over-steeped tea, it leaves a slightly bitter aftertaste of what could have been. If this is the end of the Fantastic Beasts journey, it’s not a bang, but a polite, well-lit puff of smoke.