Expend4bles

If you ever wanted to know exactly what the death rattle of a franchise sounds like, look no further than the title Expend4bles. It’s a movie that replaces its vowels with numbers and its heart with a green screen so pervasive it makes The Phantom Menace look like a gritty documentary. I sat down to watch this on a Tuesday night while my neighbor was testing his new leaf blower, and for a solid twenty minutes, I couldn't tell if the noise was coming from outside or from the film's audio mix.

When the first Expendables arrived in 2010, the pitch was pure gold: a retirement home for action gods. It was messy, but it gave us the tactile joy of seeing Sylvester Stallone, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and Bruce Willis sharing a frame. Fast forward to 2023, and that ensemble energy has evaporated. Instead, we have a film that feels like it was designed by an algorithm trying to figure out how to keep Jason Statham (The Transporter, Crank) busy between better projects.

The Statham Show and the Missing Icons

The biggest shock here isn’t the plot—which involves a typical nuclear-threat-on-a-boat scenario—but how lonely it feels. Sylvester Stallone is barely in the movie, appearing briefly at the start and end, essentially handing the keys of the franchise to Jason Statham. While I usually love Statham’s "grumpy uncle who can kill you with a toothpick" energy, he’s carrying far too much weight here.

The "New Blood" promised in the tagline includes 50 Cent (Power) and Megan Fox (Jennifer's Body), but they aren't given characters so much as they are given costumes. 50 Cent looks bored, and Megan Fox is trapped in a sub-plot that feels like a rejected 90s sitcom about a bickering mercenary couple. The chemistry is non-existent. Dolph Lundgren (Rocky IV) returns as Gunner Jensen, now struggling with failing eyesight and a terrible wig, which is meant to be a running gag but mostly just feels a bit sad. It’s a "legacy sequel" that seems to have forgotten why we liked the legacy in the first place.

Martial Arts Legends in a Digital Fog

What hurts the most for a genre enthusiast like me is the criminal waste of Tony Jaa (Ong-Bak) and Iko Uwais (The Raid). In a just world, a fight between these two would be the centerpiece of the year. Here, they are relegated to a film that looks shockingly like a PlayStation 3 cutscene. The action choreography is handled by Scott Waugh, who directed Need for Speed, but he’s hamstrung by some of the most distracting CGI I’ve seen in a $100 million production.

There is a sequence on a large cargo ship that serves as the film’s primary location, and the green-screen work is so blatant it creates a weird "uncanny valley" effect. When characters are standing on the deck, they don't look like they’re at sea; they look like they’re standing in front of a giant television at Best Buy. It saps the stakes right out of the room. When Iko Uwais finally gets to throw a punch, the camera is so shaky and the editing so frantic that you can’t appreciate the genuine physical skill he brings to the table. It's like buying a Ferrari just to drive it through a car wash and never coming out the other side.

Why This One Sank Into Obscurity

Despite a massive budget and a recognizable brand, Expend4bles vanished from theaters almost instantly. It earned back less than 40% of its budget, making it one of the biggest flops of 2023. Why? I think audiences are finally hitting "IP fatigue" when the IP doesn't respect its own history. The first three films were celebrations of practical stunts and aging muscle. This fourth entry felt like a generic, low-rent actioner that accidentally fell into a franchise's lap.

Apparently, the production moved to Thessaloniki, Greece, to film most of the ship sequences, but you’d never know it. The film lacks any sense of place. It’s also interesting to note that the script went through several iterations—originally conceived as a spin-off titled Christmas Story (focused on Statham’s character, Lee Christmas)—which explains why the rest of the team feels like an afterthought. It was a project caught between being a solo vehicle and a group effort, and it failed at both.

Ultimately, Expend4bles is a tough watch for anyone who grew up on the "blood and guts" glory of 80s action. It’s a sterile, digitally-processed imitation of a genre that thrives on grit and sweat. While Jason Statham tries his best to hold the crumbling deck together, the ship sinks long before the credits roll. It’s a reminder that even the toughest heroes can’t survive a bad script and a worse green screen.